alt_harry

You were right about Mr Milland. About how he can be sort of... I don't know. Intense? Not nice? I mean, not like he has to be super friendly or anythig, but he wasn't.

He said he couldn't tell me anything, really, not unless I learned Occlumency. And when he showed me what it'd be like, if someone ever did try, he said it'd be not good if people found out about you and me. Being friends. And Hydra's said how she thinks I ought to too.

But.

I asked Raz about it earlier, and he seemed sort of weird about it -- like it would be really tricky if I did learn it, and he didn't tell me anything outright, but I could tell he was worried. And. I was thinking. Milland said that if I were really dead good at it, people wouldn't be able to tell if I was hiding anything, but if I wasn't good enough, they'd know. He would know. So if I can't do it well enough, He'd know I was hiding something from Him, and I think that'd be bad. Really bad. like Task 2 bad only worse. Because it's one thing to not do what He wants, but it's another to... I don't know. I think He'd see it like I was defying Him. Or challenging Him.

So I've got two choices.

I could try to learn, and hope that I'm really fast and good at it, and if I'm not, risk really messing thing up, or I could not try and hope no one ever tries to look in my head, and not do anything that would get you or Draco into trouble ever. Which is sort of impossible. Because I always screw everything up. Even when I try. especially when I try. Which is why I'm so worried about screwing up the Occlumency thing too.

I don't know.

What do you think?