I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_harry]

Sally-Anne, you okay? Hydra? Justin?

I've been thinking.

And I just wanted to say

Mrs Longbottom and Mr Lupin were right.

I made a bad call. We should've tried harder to get someone at the party to listen, or written them to tell them what was going on. We got lucky, but like Mrs Longbottom said, luck isn't a good substitute for competence. We were lucky that Professor Dolohov removed those curses, and that they stopped when they did. We were lucky that they weren't trying to kill us, just keep us pinned down. And if Arista hadn't had the Felix, it's hard to tell, but it probably would've been a lot worse. And next time around we won't have that.

This is my responsibility. This is my fault, and I'm sorry.

I guess we ought to do a post thing. At least that's what I've been thinking about all morning.

We got Arista and Hector, and we all got out of there alive. Which are all good things. And trying to help Arista and Hector was the right thing to do. The way we did it could've been better.

We didn't know Professor Dolohov and Mr Crouch would come down there like they did. But I think we overestimated how prepared we were for that kind of fight if we were going to run into other people. We're good. The best in our class. Just not good enough yet. And I think that's what got us. Why we thought we could do it on our own. But the reason we succeeded wasn't because of anything we were doing, we succeeded because they decided to stop.

Splitting up was a bad idea. I think. Maybe fighting in a larger group we could've done more, but then they might've got more serious about trying to kill us instead of picking us off one by one. I'm not sure. The Department of Mysteries was confusing with the doors and things, and I think that threw us more than it should've too.

No matter what, though, we need to work harder. Lots. This isn't OWLs, or Umbridge. We've got to be better prepared next time.

Even though they were pretty angry about everything, I think they're still planning on letting us in. The Order I mean. For the people who want it. They would've said if they were reconsidering. But we're going to have to work harder with that too. To show them that we can be depended on. And that we can learn from our mistakes, and sort out when we need to ask someone else for help. And not try to do everything. We've done a lot of good things. And I think everyone on this is really brave, and brilliant, and I'm glad none of you died. And Cedric and Katie and Linus did a good job too.

Anyways. Maybe we could meet and talk about it?

And about the other thing too. The ceremony.

Comments

[alt_neville]

It's funny...I feel like I let you all down, too. Because I wasn't there--although I wasn't at the wedding because I'm not in CCF. And I'm not in CCF because I crashed my broom in the trials. Although it's even more laughable to think I could have made Professor Dolohov break into as much as one bead of sweat, if I'd tried crossing wands with him. Much less Mr Crouch! I probably would have ended up breaking my wand or something.

I dunno--I probably would have been more useful running interference for you all back at the wedding. Although it sounds like Moon and Diggory and Katie Bell did a fine job of that on their own.

But more than that, I'm just kicking myself that I was playing chess with Evelyn last night and didn't look at my journal once. I could have passed the word onto the Order! I could have let Fred or George or Lee know, and they could have sent the message along.

Ron's right, though, too--if they had known, they probably would have come charging in, and lots more people would have been hurt. Or even died.

[alt_sally_anne]

Well see, SEE, that's just proof that Ron's theory was right. We were there BECAUSE of the Felix Felicis because we were the only ones who could in and get her out and have it not all go pear-shaped. (Well, more pear-shaped. At least no one died.)

Because HOW OFTEN do you go for an entire evening not looking in your journal once, Neville? Maybe you didn't because we were REALLY LUCKY NOT TO HAVE THE ORDER THERE.

I mean not that we should make 'obviously we're better off without them' an assumption going forward. But.

[alt_terry]

Huh. That's a really interesting theory.

I wonder exactly how far the influence of Felix Felicis spreads? Because I could have passed word along, too, but I just happened to spend yesterday afternoon and evening as the Professor, and dogs don't read journals. It felt like just a whim, to stay in my animagus form for several hours. Was it Arista taking the potion, hundreds of miles away, that nudged me into transforming?

I guess I'll meet her and her brother soon. I hope they like it here. We'll do all we can to make them feel at home as quickly as possible, although of course, it's going to be hard for them.

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah. They lost both their parents, and their home, and all their friends (except for Ron).

AND they're being sent to live with people they've grown up thinking were the enemy.

At least there are a lot of other children there, right?

[alt_terry]

Yes, over sixty, all sorts of ages. They'll find friends all right.

Sarah Fawcett said she'd look out for them...after all, she's in sort of the closest situation. Many of the kids here were rescued by the Order when they were babies and toddlers, and don't really know anything different, but Sarah grew up in the Protectorate and then had to give up everything about the life she knew to come here.

Mr and Mrs Longbottom are wonderful, and so are all the other teachers. I suppose it'll be easier for Hector, since he's younger, and he won't remember so much about the life he's lost.

Ugh, sounds sort of cold to say it that way. But it's true.

[alt_susan]

I wonder about that too, Terry. I felt off all day yesterday, and I'd been sort of ignoring it and hoping it would go away, but then I felt worse during dinner and it just seemed the most natural thing in the world to Floo back to school and lie down.

And I felt terrible for not being there, but maybe if I had been I'd have dragged the lot of you down somehow.

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh you looked WRETCHED at dinner.

I really hope the felix felicis didn't make you ill. That seems unfair, somehow. That one person's good luck would be another person's rotten luck.

[alt_susan]

Maybe it just made me feel it more, or stop being able to ignore it?

I don't know, but either way, I keep trying to tell myself it was for the best. Because I feel awful about not being there to help, but it'd be worse if I'd been there and made a mistake that somehow muffed the whole thing.

How're you feeling? If you're not sick of people asking you.

[alt_sally_anne]

I'm fine, thanks.

I hope you feel recovered by tomorrow, at least?

[alt_susan]

I hope so, but if not...I could probably vom on command at the beginning of Dark Arts?

It would certainly be distracting.

[alt_sally_anne]

That might come in handy.

[alt_evelyn]

That makes sense.

It also makes sense that there's loads more work we have to do, too. And I can see why the Order wouldn't be pleased.

Mum said that, Harry? She must've been furious.

[alt_harry]

yeah. You can say that again.

I mean, I think she was angry and relieved sort of at the same time?

But yeah. Your mum

She can be sort of intense sometimes.

[alt_sally_anne]

I mean if it were Lee who went a whole evening not reading his journal it wouldn't mean anything.

But you're almost as bad as I am. And I'm pretty bad. About checking my journal CONSTANTLY, I mean.

[alt_neville]

Well, I was checking it earlier--you'll remember the private message I sent you while you were at the wedding. But I guess I must have closed it right before Ron heard from Arista and then, yeah, I didn't open it again all evening.

It was a really good chess game, though.

[alt_evelyn]

It was, wasn't it?

Like the best sort of sticky arithmancy problem where you solve a bit and the rest makes sense.