Private Message to Hermione Granger

[alt_harry]

Hydra saw me.

Practising.

She looked at me like I was

I can't do this.

I think I scared her.

Comments

[alt_hermione]

You can do it, Harry, you must.

[alt_harry]

Do you know how messed up it is that you have to tell me that?

I'm sorry, Hermione.

I know. I've got to. And I will. Or at least I'll try as hard as I can

You know what? Bugger it all.

Just screw it.

I've got to try as hard as I can to hurt one of the best friends I've got. That's just insane. It's messed up. And it's even more messed up because they don't see you like I do. They don't think you're a real person. So the fact that I don't want to do this is just yet another sign that I'm not who they want me to be and if that's what it takes I never will be.

And now you have to listen to me whinge about hurting you on top of everything.

Which doesn't help at all.

[alt_hermione]

Look—I know you feel bad about this but think how I must feel. I don't like seeing you sad but you aren't the one getting cruciated. It doesn't matter if you'll never be that person because at least they see you as a person whereas I'm not at all.

I just mean, Harry, honestly, I'm sorry you feel bad but could you please tell somebody else about it?! I know there's at least one person you could tell, or you could talk to Mr Milland, he understands these things, but I just don't think I can listen to it right now, and be the good little servant and tell you it will be all right, because it isn't going to be because things aren't.

[alt_harry]

I don't want you to pat me on the back or make me feel better, you know.

I don't want you to be a good little servant.

That's

I just want to

I just want us to

Okay.