You saw Nicky? That's brilliant. I was thinking yesterday it was a good thing I decided not to ask for a picture of her, because I would have had to get it out of my trunk before they searched it for contraband. And without my wand, burning it would've been a trick.
I got to meet her over spring hols. I always wanted a sister but it's a little mad to have one that's so much younger.
My Charms NEWT went extremely well. I think I got an O. I don't have any exams today at all. But then tomorrow I have Defence, Runes, AND Herbology, right in a row. I hope my hand doesn't cramp.
...Harry, I believe those are the nightmares anyone with your experiences would rightly have.
If you wake with a headache that is unusually severe, wake repeatedly within minutes of having fallen asleep, or find yourself having got out of bed without realising and woken across the room or in the toilet, find me immediately and I will see if you show signs of further attempted possession. If the only symptom you are experiencing are nightmares, it is likely your brain trying to process the trauma you have been through.
There are some meditation techniques that can help reduce unpleasant dreams. And in this situation, I do not believe it would be uncalled for to use a small dose of Dreamless Sleep for a day or two — no longer than that; it is not safe for extended use — to provide you with restful sleep.
Come see me before sleep tonight and I will provide you a dose, and sit with you for half an hour while you practise your Occlumency meditations. Or you can ask Draco to meditate with you; he is quite proficient by now.
If he'd been there when I tried to kill Voldemort he could have used Draco instead of Vince. He could have made me kill my best friend. I think he would have thought that was hilarious.
Not that Vince had done anything to deserve it, either.
I know that you have been told this already, but I will repeat it: You are not to blame for Mr Crabbe's death, by any reasonable person's standard. From what you have said and how you described the tactical situation, you were not negligent in your casting and you did not fail to account for bystanders. It is not your fault the Dark Lord decided to shield himself with another person: the choice was his, and his alone.
The Dark Lord is whimsical, capricious, and sadistic. No one knows this better than you.
You spent seventeen years at His his mercy, the last several of those years whilst living the life of, essentially, a double agent under a great deal of stress and the constant threat of detection. You have spent the last year or thereabouts slowly realising that he intended to violate your mind and possess your body in order to perpetuate things you find abhorrent. And living among all those facts, your subconscious mind knew that it could not allow you to apprehend the full range of emotional horror any right-thinking person would feel at the situation in which you were living, because you needed to protect yourself and those around you by not showing a sign of your true thoughts.
You then escaped that horrible abusive environment and are now living in the closest thing to safety you have ever known. Is it any wonder that the entirety of what you have experienced is coming crashing down upon you, now that you must no longer be constantly looking over your shoulder? One does not feel the weight of the danger and horror in which one has been living until one is no longer living in that horror and danger. I spent six months while in Azkaban curled up in the corner of my cell gibbering
You have more than earned a week or two of recovery. Spend time with Draco and Hermione; get to know Black and Lupin and Tonks better as breathing people and not as ink on a page; allow Albia to kidnap you for tea parties or walk Adam around while he is fussing. Simple, calm, human things will do more to reassure the frightened ape that is screaming in the back of your mind that it is in a place of safety than any carefully considered words and logical reasoning.
When I was forced to flee Hogwarts, I did so knowing that students under my care — students for whom I cared deeply, yourself included — were being left behind, in danger, and that I would no longer be able to offer even limited forms of protection; it was no more comfortable than you are finding this.
I do not have an answer. I do not think there is an answer. But given the role you are apparently destined to play in this production, you must not spend your death somewhere it will not also bring about the Dark Lord's — to use a chess metaphor, in this struggle you are the king, not the knight.
Trust your friends to take care of themselves. If they are in danger, it is because they believe the end to which we are working is something for which it is worth being in danger — a sentiment I believe all of us would agree to.
Well ... Absolutely sure? Pretty sure. If anyone could do it, it would be him, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. From your description, it was the contact of your wands and your close proximity that allowed him to make the attempt.
If it were that simple, Harry, he'd have tried it back when he wanted you to make your own horcrux.
The nightmares are normal. They should fade in time. Though if they get stronger than that, be sure to say something.
And if you wake up in the night, you know any of us can generally be tempted to indulge in a cup of tea or something stronger. From the look of the kitchen we'll not run short of cakes and scones for a while, either.
A poetic, if not entirely inaccurate, description.
One makes the batter, then places a spit over the fire and casts a series of charms that will turn the spit and slowly brush the batter over the cake in progress, thus building up the layers. The variations on the charms to allow for the inclusion of layers of jam are my own invention.
The spellwork is a variation of several charms useful in potioneering. My master was of the opinion that one ought not be allowed at the bench for anything more complex than NEWT-level potions until one had proven one's proficiency in the kitchen.
We're holding up, I think. Having only a handful of us with wands outside of lessons is well frustrating, what. I think I've cast more first-year charms in the last two days than I ever did before I went to Beauxbatons! I've nearly given up telling them that there are loads of acceptable ways to protect one's trunk that do not require magic.
Of course, it's also well stifling, being unable to go out of doors. And there was a moment--well, yesterday, we were sitting in the waiting room, after lunch. Only five people had finished their demonstrations before, so it was most of the class, what. The examiner came into the corridor and without thinking, she called 'Greengrass.' I say, one could have heard our hearts skipping a beat. I believe there were a few gasps and perhaps a sniffle. It certainly put a terrible pall over the whole business.
On the other hand, what little conversation one can observe seems to be all about how you stood up to Voldemort and how you and Draco have been reunited. Well, I say what one can observe, what, because the moment I come within view, they hush each other immediately. My reputation has apparently not been tarnished by my close friendship with you.
Zach Smith has the look of someone who might crack soon, if it weren't for exams. He's applying himself but I'm keeping an eye on him. Without letting him know, of course.
I don't know if anyone mentioned it but Voldemort Cruciated Professor Dolohov just after you left. He's been rather scarce since and when I've gone up to his office to check on him, he's sent me straight down, telling me I'm to concentrate on my exams and not bother about anything else this week. So I'm afraid I can't offer any insight as to what is happening on that front. That night, he did allow me to fetch him his post-Cruciation potions, so I now know where they are. I jolly well hope we don't need them, however.
As far as the exams, I suppose they're progressing. The few who are sitting it are in History of Magic now and we've Astronomy in just under half an hour.
I say, it's not the same at all without you, old man, but I'm glad you got away safely. How are you finding your freedom?
It definitely sounds better when you call it 'freedom' instead of 'being a fugitive.' I guess that's what this is, though.
I spent the first day of it hiding in Draco's room. And my second day watching Draco murder giant rats -- he worked out Bellatrix's curse, we're trying to figure out a defense against it, or a reversal, but he has to make the rats really big or they just blow up. It's exactly as disgusting as you're probably imagining, but if we can work out a good defense against that spell it'll be all to the good. And then visiting Moddey.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
Private message to Sally-Anne
Date: 2015-05-12 07:16 pm (UTC)And Professor Sinistra says hello. And Evelyn. And your Mum, of course.
Your sister is really cute. Well, I mean, she's a baby. I can't tell if she looks like you, or not, yet.
Re: Private message to Sally-Anne
Date: 2015-05-12 07:23 pm (UTC)I got to meet her over spring hols. I always wanted a sister but it's a little mad to have one that's so much younger.
My Charms NEWT went extremely well. I think I got an O. I don't have any exams today at all. But then tomorrow I have Defence, Runes, AND Herbology, right in a row. I hope my hand doesn't cramp.
Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 07:24 pm (UTC)Right?
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:16 pm (UTC)Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:19 pm (UTC)Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:34 pm (UTC)...Harry, I believe those are the nightmares anyone with your experiences would rightly have.
If you wake with a headache that is unusually severe, wake repeatedly within minutes of having fallen asleep, or find yourself having got out of bed without realising and woken across the room or in the toilet, find me immediately and I will see if you show signs of further attempted possession. If the only symptom you are experiencing are nightmares, it is likely your brain trying to process the trauma you have been through.
There are some meditation techniques that can help reduce unpleasant dreams. And in this situation, I do not believe it would be uncalled for to use a small dose of Dreamless Sleep for a day or two — no longer than that; it is not safe for extended use — to provide you with restful sleep.
Come see me before sleep tonight and I will provide you a dose, and sit with you for half an hour while you practise your Occlumency meditations. Or you can ask Draco to meditate with you; he is quite proficient by now.
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:39 pm (UTC)And I haven't sleepwalked.
I'll talk to Draco. I just
If he'd been there when I tried to kill Voldemort he could have used Draco instead of Vince. He could have made me kill my best friend. I think he would have thought that was hilarious.
Not that Vince had done anything to deserve it, either.
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:58 pm (UTC)I know that you have been told this already, but I will repeat it: You are not to blame for Mr Crabbe's death, by any reasonable person's standard. From what you have said and how you described the tactical situation, you were not negligent in your casting and you did not fail to account for bystanders. It is not your fault the Dark Lord decided to shield himself with another person: the choice was his, and his alone.
The Dark Lord is whimsical, capricious, and sadistic. No one knows this better than you.
You spent seventeen years at
Hishis mercy, the last several of those years whilst living the life of, essentially, a double agent under a great deal of stress and the constant threat of detection. You have spent the last year or thereabouts slowly realising that he intended to violate your mind and possess your body in order to perpetuate things you find abhorrent. And living among all those facts, your subconscious mind knew that it could not allow you to apprehend the full range of emotional horror any right-thinking person would feel at the situation in which you were living, because you needed to protect yourself and those around you by not showing a sign of your true thoughts.You then escaped that horrible abusive environment and are now living in the closest thing to safety you have ever known. Is it any wonder that the entirety of what you have experienced is coming crashing down upon you, now that you must no longer be constantly looking over your shoulder? One does not feel the weight of the danger and horror in which one has been living until one is no longer living in that horror and danger.
I spent six months while in Azkaban curled up in the corner of my cell gibberingYou have more than earned a week or two of recovery. Spend time with Draco and Hermione; get to know Black and Lupin and Tonks better as breathing people and not as ink on a page; allow Albia to kidnap you for tea parties or walk Adam around while he is fussing. Simple, calm, human things will do more to reassure the frightened ape that is screaming in the back of your mind that it is in a place of safety than any carefully considered words and logical reasoning.
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-13 12:18 am (UTC)How do youI don't want to be safe. I want to protect my friends.
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-13 12:34 am (UTC)When I was forced to flee Hogwarts, I did so knowing that students under my care — students for whom I cared deeply, yourself included — were being left behind, in danger, and that I would no longer be able to offer even limited forms of protection; it was no more comfortable than you are finding this.
I do not have an answer. I do not think there is an answer. But given the role you are apparently destined to play in this production, you must not spend your death somewhere it will not also bring about the Dark Lord's — to use a chess metaphor, in this struggle you are the king, not the knight.
Trust your friends to take care of themselves. If they are in danger, it is because they believe the end to which we are working is something for which it is worth being in danger — a sentiment I believe all of us would agree to.
Re: Private message to Harry
Date: 2015-05-12 10:59 pm (UTC).....
Don't ever let him know I said that, yeah? He might explode.
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:30 pm (UTC)If it were that simple, Harry, he'd have tried it back when he wanted you to make your own horcrux.
The nightmares are normal. They should fade in time. Though if they get stronger than that, be sure to say something.
Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 08:32 pm (UTC)Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-12 09:06 pm (UTC)Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-13 12:15 am (UTC)Re: Private message to Sirius, Remus, and Mr Snape
Date: 2015-05-13 12:28 am (UTC)A poetic, if not entirely inaccurate, description.
One makes the batter, then places a spit over the fire and casts a series of charms that will turn the spit and slowly brush the batter over the cake in progress, thus building up the layers. The variations on the charms to allow for the inclusion of layers of jam are my own invention.
The spellwork is a variation of several charms useful in potioneering. My master was of the opinion that one ought not be allowed at the bench for anything more complex than NEWT-level potions until one had proven one's proficiency in the kitchen.
no subject
Date: 2015-05-12 07:38 pm (UTC)We're holding up, I think. Having only a handful of us with wands outside of lessons is well frustrating, what. I think I've cast more first-year charms in the last two days than I ever did before I went to Beauxbatons! I've nearly given up telling them that there are loads of acceptable ways to protect one's trunk that do not require magic.
Of course, it's also well stifling, being unable to go out of doors. And there was a moment--well, yesterday, we were sitting in the waiting room, after lunch. Only five people had finished their demonstrations before, so it was most of the class, what. The examiner came into the corridor and without thinking, she called 'Greengrass.' I say, one could have heard our hearts skipping a beat. I believe there were a few gasps and perhaps a sniffle. It certainly put a terrible pall over the whole business.
On the other hand, what little conversation one can observe seems to be all about how you stood up to Voldemort and how you and Draco have been reunited. Well, I say what one can observe, what, because the moment I come within view, they hush each other immediately. My reputation has apparently not been tarnished by my close friendship with you.
Zach Smith has the look of someone who might crack soon, if it weren't for exams. He's applying himself but I'm keeping an eye on him. Without letting him know, of course.
I don't know if anyone mentioned it but Voldemort Cruciated Professor Dolohov just after you left. He's been rather scarce since and when I've gone up to his office to check on him, he's sent me straight down, telling me I'm to concentrate on my exams and not bother about anything else this week. So I'm afraid I can't offer any insight as to what is happening on that front. That night, he did allow me to fetch him his post-Cruciation potions, so I now know where they are. I jolly well hope we don't need them, however.
As far as the exams, I suppose they're progressing. The few who are sitting it are in History of Magic now and we've Astronomy in just under half an hour.
I say, it's not the same at all without you, old man, but I'm glad you got away safely. How are you finding your freedom?
-Justin
Private message to Justin
Date: 2015-05-12 07:55 pm (UTC)I spent the first day of it hiding in Draco's room. And my second day watching Draco murder giant rats -- he worked out Bellatrix's curse, we're trying to figure out a defense against it, or a reversal, but he has to make the rats really big or they just blow up. It's exactly as disgusting as you're probably imagining, but if we can work out a good defense against that spell it'll be all to the good. And then visiting Moddey.
It really feels like I ought to be taking exams.